As I am sitting here reflecting on what my story is – my insecurities come crashing out… do I have a story?
Is it interesting?
Will anyone even care what it is?
That’s when 50 year old Pasha realizes – we all have a story, simple or not, interesting or not, crazy or mellow… and all of our stories are worth being written down or listened to ;).
I still have all of my diaries from growing up.
Recently, I made my oldest daughter clean out her closet and get rid of anything that isn’t worthy of going with her to her own apartment/house (she is 25 years old right now and living in a small apartment in LA- so I am letting her store her keepsakes at my house for the time being…).
She wanted to get rid of all of her old journals and I stopped her- and said “NO! these are so important to keep.” She looked at me like I was crazy.
I then told her I have all of my old diaries and that some are really hard to read and some are funny – some make me cry when I read them and think back to how hard I was on myself or how insecure I was in middle school and high school and even college.
But they are my story.
They are me.
Often after I have read them (and after I am done crying if the diary entry moved me to that)- I am proud of how strong I am today and am pretty impressed at some of the emotional struggles I have made it through.
I am a Literal Math Geek Girl…
I am a pretty literal person – I am really really good at algebra and making lists and being organized. Did I mention I am an accountant by trade??? 😂
Creativity has never really been my strong suit. So sometimes when I write- I can tell literal Pasha is REALLY wanting to make an appearance with lists and facts so bear with me when that Pasha sneaks out!!
My Early Years and All the Moves
To sum up my childhood pretty quickly- I moved a lot growing up and am the middle girl of three girls.
We were not a military family but my dad worked closely with the military with private companies and whenever a better career opportunity presented itself to him- he took it.
I was born in Chicago and at age 3 moved to Las Vegas where some of my best childhood memories with my sisters are.
Then we moved to Idaho Falls, Idaho at the age of 9.
My last move with my parents and two sisters was to San Diego, California at the end of my junior year in high school.
To say the move from Idaho to California for my senior year in high school had some culture shock and was one of the more emotional adjustments I had to make as a teenager is an understatement.
Mr. Pasha is Home Came into my Life ❤️
But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and less than a month after I moved to San Diego, I met my husband.
We spent the summer flirting with each other and FINALLY started dating Thanksgiving weekend that year.
He’s not a ladies’ man and making the moves for him was quite slow going – I even dated one of his best friends first because he asked me out and my husband didn’t get up the nerve to do so yet!!
This photo is one of the first photos we have with each other 😂.
We then went to college together at University of CA, San Diego and the rest is history…
Someday I plan on doing a blog post on what I think has helped our marriage survive all the peaks and valleys that married life entails. While I am by all means no marriage expert (nor a therapist!) – I do have 33 years of relationship history with the same person so I think that should be a decent qualification on how to survive growing up together – even if you don’t meet until you are older because in my opinion- we are always learning and growing up… until we aren’t…
We started our married life right out of college by moving to New York for grad school and had our first baby. Our next move together was to Sacramento, CA to finish his education and have our second baby.
When my husband’s education was finally over and we were ready to join “the real world” in 2000 – we came back to San Diego where we had our third and last baby and have been here raising our family every since ☺️.
We have had many adventures and experiences that I plan to slowly share in this blog. I hope that if even just one of my stories resonates with someone, that my purpose for this blog is accomplished ❤️.
What I Am Not
I am not an experienced DIY’er but have lived on a budget for a very long time and know how to hold my own with a hammer or a paint brush. So you will find quite a few DIY posts on this blog in hopes my novice lessons, mistakes, and skills will help you with some of your projects!
I am also not an interior designer (that would be my little sister!). But my eye for decor has gotten quite a bit better through the years. And let’s face it – Instagram and Pinterest have made it a heck of a lot easier to get ideas on how to style a dang shelf!
I am not a travel agent however my job in college was as a bookkeeper for a student travel agency and I am the researcher and planner of all planners when it comes to making a trip itinerary. Parties or social gatherings? LOVE planning and executing them!
I have also experienced loss of loved ones and worked my way through the grief of that…
My dad passed away from prostate cancer in 2006 at the age of 64 (I was 35yo). Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and wonder what life would be like if he was still with us…
More recently, my family has experienced some losses that have really hit us hard.
My brother in law passed away in March 2020 (during the Covid pandemic) to brain cancer at the age of 52. My sister and I met our boyfriends the same summer of 1987 and have experienced so many of the same things in our relationships with our husbands so my empathy on her loss has been pretty heavy. He was like a brother to me since he came into our lives when we were all just teenagers.
My sister and I do not live in the same state so helping her through the process of losing her husband to the brutal disease of brain cancer from a distance was quite challenging. I know her pain is unbearable and unimaginable and nothing could stop what was/is happening to her family but I hope I have made decent efforts to be there for her as I can from the physical distance we are from each other.
A second loss was quite a bit more sudden and tragic. We lost my youngest daughter’s best friend since kindergarten in January 2021. She was a part of our family and like a daughter/sister to all of us. This one really hit us hard with no time to say good-bye or even to have had a last conversation together worth remembering – although I do remember my last conversation with her was in my kitchen regarding my new Dyson blow dryer…
An amazing grief book that KT’s mom gave me after she passed said losing someone young in a sudden and tragic way makes processing the loss that much harder. The book also says we all have a 100% mortality rate…
So my new manifesto for this blog and everything in life is in honor of the sweet young woman I was blessed to have in my life for 15 of the 20 short years she was on this earth with us and that is to LIVE YOUR LIFE TO ITS FULLEST – AND WITH PASSION AND GUSTO! Like KT did ;).
I hope to someday write a blog post about helping loved ones through situations like these but for now – the pain is too deep and my grieving stages are so raw and fresh. I know crying for lost ones means they were truly loved and are missed, but sometimes I just wonder how I have so many tears.
I promise it is coming though as I know so many of us are going through the same thing – like I said above – we all have a 100% mortality rate…
In Short – Life is Precious and Fragile So Let’s Live It Up Together!!
One thing these last couple of years have taught me is that life is short, precious, and fragile.
No one is guaranteed tomorrow so living each day with grace and as much joy as we can is just so elemental to living life to its fullest.
This moment in time is not forever.
Nothing is forever.
Find Your Balance!
I know blogging is supposed to be a niche oriented world – I totally get that. Heck- it may be the reason why this blog never wins any “Top Blog” awards in my lifetime…
But my balance would be off if all I shared with you was my home.
Or my travels.
Or my life experiences.
So here I am blogging about all the things.
And hoping you will follow along with me and be inspired and encouraged to find balance in your life too!
I hope to find a reason to smile every single day and I hope you do too – especially if it is here on my blog ☺️ ❤️.
Thank you all again sooo very much for joining my blogging journey!!